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Old 01-09-2014, 08:42 PM   #9
Exis
............
 
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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contour a recollection. trace a border between
war and serene. river gorges and streams, endorphins and dreams
let the world disagree once their madness corrupts
speakers amplified to tell us we're not happy enough

^^Nice opener...great way to draw the reader in from the get go.

media frequency jump impermanent like passionate lust
his thoughts darkening. moving towards the back of the bus
vampire sluts and servitude. the power is near
the hour is nigh, our Auschwitz appears as towers and tiers
suits and a tie, cowards in line to order a beer
Orwellian the telephones. unimportant careers
louder than clear, static megaphones in velvet apartments
metal in your cerebellum, lead in your carcass

^^That's an ill section.

beg your pardon please.. this disconnect's a habit of mine
pictures phrases quotes and concepts twisted to bend
into visions you read. concrete consistency like liquid cement
no dimes and nickels to spend, it's rhymes and rhythms instead
the devil was a capricorn and Winter is death.

^^Tight.

Aight firstly thanks for the feed man, gotta admit I was surprised you left comments on my shit (and I mean good ones too not the usual comin' thru a thread of mine with just the word 'faggot' submitted lol) but yeah it's apprciated regardless.

As for your piece here, chea it's dope...was really feelin' your scheme at certain points but it's your content that whichever way you look at it is flames.Like Split said pretty much every line is connected in some form or another to what's before or after it, which virtually means your use of filler (in this joint atleast) is nowhere to be seen.The imagery is also another element here that deserves a mention as bar after bar painted some brilliant pictures on a consistent basis...so yep good stuff Black, very enjoyable read.

Stay upwards.
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