POST APOCALYPTIC SPORTING COMMENTARY.
Welcome back to all those just tuning in on their amateur ham radios,
We’re happy to bring you the action from the always sunny Wastebowl.
The temperature is cool 113 degrees Fahrenheit today,
Let’s cross live to our mutant correspondent as the play gets underway.
So Gaark, how do the players look from the arena? Any thoughts?
Gaark: “Uururgh meat, meeeeaaat, MEAT!” Thanks for that Gaark.
We’ve got the undefeated champion Max “The Axeman” Leveraux,
Up against the new kid Steven Goodley, it should be an impressive show.
Let’s go over the features of the arena – the Wastebowl is 800,000 square kilometers,
Filled with featureless sand, baked soil and endless hues of sepia.
See there’s a few objects scattered around, several derelict tankers,
Yes it’s the first round, it’s all up for grabs, everything matters.
Well my money is on Goodley, he’s been in a rare sort of form,
Upsetting Joe the Cannibal and then the alien collective from Qwarm.
I have to disagree, The Axeman is a machine with a perfect technical style,
He’s back with a passion, versatile with a drive to cross each metrical mile.
Let’s see, both competitors are setting off,
they’re searching for that small bit of reddish cloth.
Yeah if they put it in the metal box that’ll be a triple play with a quadruple score,
Leveraux has just dismembered a cowering family, listen to the people roar, such brutal gore!
And they still scream for more. Meanwhile, Goodley is scavenging for water and food,
Yeah it’s a boring play but also clever, tough competitor, he’s awfully shrewd.
Now for a scheduled break in play, a message from our sponsors…
“Is your hair falling out? Are you tired of vomiting? Try our bottled water!”
And we’re back, but what’s this?! Radioactive dust storms begin to appear,
The wind has changed directions, both competitors monetarily disappear.
He’s down! The Axeman is down. Heat exhaustion! He falls to the dirt.
Let’s see the replay, such a rookie move, he should have worn a shirt.
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