I'm not sure I can pull of a Fig translation here. This verse was less focused and less polished than "Language of Reality," and I'm not sure there was a thesis driving this. There's nothing wrong with that. The lack of formality can be a boon, and sometimes you showed that here.
Quote:
Dip n diving power lines; motion's illustrative fixture.
Fixated. Rear window view.
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You're announcing to us right away with with the "n" instead of "and" that this verse is less polished. I liked this opening part, the idea of being a small child sitting in the backseat and watching power lines go by on a long drive on an empty road.
Quote:
Curator of rhythmic strives.
Ecliptic climbs. Trite systems or glimpse divine.
The mystic glisten of a strained glint.
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The glint isn't all that's strained here. You sometimes seem to want to try new words out in these types of sections. "Strives" cannot be a noun. As for the description of the Sun, at best, it was overwrought, but I'm not even sure it made sense. You show such capacity for writing when you cut the bullshit that these sections are frustrating to me, as the reader.
Quote:
The crippled sight.
Eyes bite at the beholders slight twitch.
Did the devil curve his spine
with a better birth in mind?
Light switches; seems the sepulchre is white.
Photon Shepards sift through wide spectrums in delight.
Receptor type efforts and the messenger alike,
then what's left over... well, you can frame that as you'd like...
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You found it. I wasn't surprised to see most people quoting something from this section. It was the best in the verse by far, a good use of deeper vocabulary complementing rather than dominating the point of the verse. Plus the rhymes were good and flow was smooth here.
Quote:
Microclausem. Dew embedded webs glimmer idle.
Gossamer sonnets rocketed hypersonic. Spurned style.
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Parody? The use of "gossamer" made me think so. This was not very good, parody or otherwise. Everything about it seemed out of place.
Quote:
Wildly slung. Im finely tucked in a pocket.
Then tightly clung writing's rungs. Climbing up to an object.
Sought a wondrous finding. Inside me, lightning struck lightly plucked.
The rise was inspiring.
I forgot where I was.
It didn't matter
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"Sought a wondrous finding" was clunky, but the rest of this was good. I would have preferred "Then" turn to "I" or "I've" just to make the verb and predicate match. But I liked the idea of the last three lines a lot, reaching where you're going only to forget why you went.