VV: First thought, the journal entry business was kinda cliche for my taste. Anyway this is a fairly creative verse, conceptually, but ultimately, the execution is where it fell off. Sure the writing was fine but the rhyming could've been more polished. There was no crispness if that makes any sense. It kinda dragged on. Not to say this was a bad verse, but more should be expected at this level.
Frank: a very grim and gripping story you painted here. Your structuring and syllable counting sure do give your storytelling a bit of an advantage. Anyway, I have a problem with part of the plot. You give us this officer character, and all of a sudden niggas building computers. Wha? I just personally didn't enjoy that part. Oh I can't believe you named that kid Dusty lmao just saying. Anyways, I really enjoyed this. It was a ride. It was fun.
V/FRANK
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BIRDHORSE 8-15
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