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Old 01-02-2014, 05:18 PM   #2
Just Write
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jdeek View Post
supposed to be a collab my brother and i are doing. still waiting on him to finish his verse...


All emotion was faded. Fell in depression's basement.
Laid on the rocks that paved it and slept in the bed I made

this was awesome, do more lines like these


and awakened in better places. Slow and steadily steppin'
away from those days. Embracin' the changes of elevation.

i think the word and to start the sentence was not really the best plan, especially since you just ended the last segment's quarter section with and
Was feelin' my body achin'. Beggin' for God to make it..
Stop. But the same mistakes I was makin' left me forsaken.
Shakin' and curled in corners. Tryin' to ditch my shadow.
Afraid of makin' a friend. Every second a losin' battle.
Teeth, grindin' to gravel. Speedin' and never sleepin',
and with the size of my pupils, don't know how I wasn't seein'
what was layin' in the road on the path of life I was leadin'...
A future version of me that was dyin, lyin' defeated.

i've felt like this many of times my man, sucks


Then he came to my rescue. Drug me out of the forest.
Cut ALL ties with the devil. He scissored me from my darkest,
but fell in his own darkness. Seein' that was the hardest.
But the future's lookin' bright. The minds of reviving artists.

nice little way to end it although the word forest seemed out of place. all in all nice verse my dude. stay up


http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=42835
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=43185
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