VV-
it was very hard for me to get into this. i did not jibe with the rhythm of your verse and your literary devices seemed pretty amateurish at best if I'm being honest. its surprising you made it this far in the competition, although since i am still assuming you're a frank alias it may be due to the fact that you had to write 2 verses in one week. idk. but disregarding that notion the "twist" at the end held little to no water given the tone of your entire verse. shit man, idk, this was just sort of a weak submission to me. certainly not semi-finals material in a competition of this magnitude. and I'm sorry to sound like such a prick because i usually try to positively reinforce writers. but this is a stage in the game where you should be writing at your peak and this certainly wasn't that.
frank -
it did not take much to beat VV's submission and you performed pretty well here. i enjoyed the descriptions although it felt a little dry sometimes, and the font change was sort of a gimmicky, i thought you wrote an effectively gut wrenching verse about how easy it is to miss a child's self destruction right under your nose. the fact it was the father purchasing the cleaner was even tougher. i saw an intervention where this bitch was huffing that shit all day and i thought it was the weirdest thing i had ever seen. this was a few years ago but jesus christ, i guess people are still doing this.
not your best work from a technical standpoint but your storyline alone was enough to seal this.
congrats man
v/ frank.
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Zack Wicks for president
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