This is aight...a little bland for my likin' tbh, really hate the way you've structured it as it reads very stop/start to me also but whatevers...I was definitely feelin' the second half of the verse more so than the first and you did have a couple lines scattered amongst this that I liked, unfortunately though they were few and far between to make this some mind blowin' piece...no hate, still enjoyed what you penned here man.
Stay upwards.
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