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Old 12-25-2013, 01:19 AM   #25
Certain
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Like a lot of your recent verses, this verse is scatterbrained but occasionally beautiful. I like that you've incorporated a better blend of specificity and concrete imagery alongside the more aloof and conceptual writing.

As far as the words themselves, I didn't like the line "breakfast food is symbolistic of a happier time" because it preceded a much more effective and evocative line that relayed the exact same concept. There were one or two spots were the cadence shifted slightly, but for the most part that was right on your mark of expertise.

I am pretty sure there will be a topical tournament held to start 2014, and I hope you will join to refocus your writing a little outside your own world. Stuff like this and another recent one seem to reflect the stasis you have found in your writing. The content here seemed almost sad for itself, which is not an insult but rather a charge, that maybe it's time to turn another corner.
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