Frank - this story put me at ease. although all of the circumstances are not familiar to me, the way you wrote it's convincing . i was lost in a few places, "peppermint puke," for instance. extinguisher and cement baffled me as well. as has been mentioned, you like to rhyme when you want. and although it is admirable, this felt a little off to me. i just didn't quite catch the pieces flow in a couple spots. but the story is solid.
Christmas list? Fuck the sickest kicks, mamas wallet went to stimulants,
^ to0 real . ^
at points Frank, it felt like prose. but the broken rhyme pattern really worked for you. quite a piece.
Certain - first and foremost, word choices and brevity gave your first two stanzas great appeal. they really are quite good. these lines..
Stillborn children don't receive birth certificate sets,
so she clutches to her sonograms and fertility tests.
There's a brokenness,
a missing piece of the puzzle
from the fetal displacement that left him feebly muzzled.
..resonated with pain. seriously. painful words. at the end i did feel as if you ended abruptly. i'm alright with the story as a whole, but i was left wanting more.
/v Frank - .......... hardest decision i've made in a long time...both destroyed it. but Franks last stanza imo gave him the victory. fuck that took me an hour to decide.
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