[PancakeBrah]

This was good.

The beginning was well done and interesting and then throughout there were individual lines and little runs where you recaptured that. I enjoyed

"Glancing above,
The effortless motion, the dance of the doves
A feeling so deep, unmatched by romance or of love
Triangular crush, flocks soar in top form
Overcoming the odds, even if circumstances are tough
A time where leaves would plunge to the depths
A man wishing, transitions wont come to effect
His struggle with debt, mumbling under his breath
They can double the rent,
But change, is worth something most others forget "

The first half was stronger than the second but it was all good. From 'Glancing above' to 'circumstances are tough' not only described the picture but also had it in spirit by way of the almost stream of conscious descriptors.

"He was a brick wall, for being himself was hard to endorse
No strokes of genius, behold convenience, par for the course
A mask, at last, a day he could become the darkness
In short,
A masquerade of deception that no one could argue with more"

This was my favorite section. The flow and rhythm was pitch perfect and the sentiment you wanted to explain was painted well.

From 'Weeks sped by' to the end of the piece was also well written and put a nice bow on the idea.

I do think you went a little too long and it showed in some weaker sections like

"Hes tasted the poison, devoured its bitterness whole
That walk through the shadowy path's a miserable stroll
It never takes a minimal toll on his spiritual soul
Missing the ingredients to survive this unlivable cold "

where the rhymes were a bit bland or forced. I did like the first line of this section, though.

Overall a very enjoyable read.