Ydk
So the twist is your in a therapy session and your talking to the physiologist telling him or her your problems. Instead of hearing from the psychologists, we figure out we, the reader, are the actual therapist. Upbeat verse. Audio friendly. On the other note, it never establishes itself. You wrote in a fixed gear. No valleys of depth or peaks of profoundness. Right out of the gate you were flooring it in the slow lane. Flow had some bite but the content lacked the jaws of death to really clamp down on the readers emotional state . You've written another verse you can be personally proud of, butin doing so you yet again you jeopardize your chance of victory.
PancakeBrah
Ydk made a comment commending you for rolling with the punches round 1. You were called out for basing, your content on an infatuation with white girls, although personally Ive yet to read the definitive pancakebrah white girl verse, to officially make a distinction, I can assure you this verse wasn't it. This verse was written "well" but it went absolutely nowhere. Granted. Alot was going on, in a very cramped collage kinda way. The opening scene/verse you use detached/withdrawn to create 'without ' mid sentence before contrast to embroiled/unboiling creating disorderly conduct of juxapose than saying the scene is settled lol. Too many themes. No room to breathe.
Voting YDK for the better verse, in terms of creativity, twist,and flow with regards to the topic
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