NYCSPITZ:
I like what you did with the topic but the story I felt was fragmented and torn in places it shouldn't have been. Then again im a little spacy when I read it. Try using details that connect with emotions rather using just raw intelligence. I do however like how you dropped it off, means a lot more than a first glance.
Che Guevara acolyte - tall and handsome, house spacious as fuck.
Besides what I said you did well and I enjoyed the parts where I could "engage."
Viva
breathless:
The direction is prestine but honestly the execution didn't plot out how I wanted it too.
Lesbian<Stripper<Her boss Proposes Audaciously.
Did not dig the ending man. Besides that I was in tune and loved your scheme. I especially love:
Returning their leers with coy looks and a grin, but boy, was hers snide, crooked and dim.
V/ breathless.
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