I'm gonna try and give in depth feed in return for what you gave me, but I'm on my phone so if its short I'll add more later. The opening section set up the flow perfectly but this section:
At first, I didn't need a sage to advise me to obey the laws of nature
I sung a song for labor, bogged down in my hyperbolic chamber
I tried seeing eye-to-eye with a relentlessly reproducing throng of neighbors
Promenades blurred, as dishonest, dissolvent vapors became auditor & arbitrator
^^This section brought forth some epic word usage and this shows two things in my opinion. a) You're educated and know what you're talking about, and b) you can manage your flow and syllable count VERY well. Not an easy skill so props.
This piece is a quality piece of work that I think is being avoided by others because its a little intimidating in terms of content and length, but it's a very good read. Props.
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