[Split]

Nice. Brevity is a strong tool when used right


tongues tied, gold rainbows, smoke a warped cigar
so we whisper au revoir, and unwind tornadoes
that blow away the cobwebs, embossed in color grids
extinguish ember that threw caution to the wind
> interesting. If Lewis Carrol wrote "wizard of oz". like the repetition of the W and soft E sounds. it was eerie. You understand rhyming on a scary level.


off a few good 1’s befour we count to 2
hand on your hips, heartbeat so out of tune
wish for more than whats forever, etched in blush pencil streaks
collected the smithereens, just to put them back together

> "heartbeat out of tune" was gorgeous. liked the ending line. interstitial- intentional.


seemed to me to be a short treatise on the aloofness in even the closest relationship, almost as if you were comparing the disconnected wonder of adolescence (a realization and subsequent accostimization to the full character of adulthood/ and the People you and your friends have become) to human progress.

All through a prism of culture that begs for the big words but doesn't want to bother with pronunciation. If that makes sense, hopefully. How silver screen! "Brick" from a 1st person POV. Brick is beautiful btw. I'm a sucker for noire

keep writing