Netcees - View Single Post - Week 10 - patrown (3-3) vs. Adonis (3-5) - PATROWN WINS 5-3

e11even · 12-03-2013, 02:04 AM

Two completely opposing styles.

Adonis- I know for a fact I don't completely understand your route of thought in this piece, as both your language and angle are more abstract than need be. However, this was a very clean read. I feel like there was a large part of the story untold with the girl along with some kind of stronger relation to the topic. This felt incomplete, as I didn't pull much away from it other than an eloquent ramble that didn't quite reach a climax or resolution. Overall, well structured and strong vocabulary imo.

Patrown- I am a sucker for stories, as I am equally guilty of sticking to that myself. However, in this case your effort was not as polished as the usual I know you for in terms of flow execution. I liked the complexity you brought to the character, but the story fell into an abstract finish which kinda killed what it seems you were trying to do with he topic. That said, good attempt, but was nowhere near the level you are capable of.

This is the third rewrite I've had to write. Fuck. Due to better execution despite the fact that both didn't quite deliver on their stories, MVGT Adonis for better buildup and structure.

12-03-2013, 02:04 AM	#10
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	Two completely opposing styles. Adonis- I know for a fact I don't completely understand your route of thought in this piece, as both your language and angle are more abstract than need be. However, this was a very clean read. I feel like there was a large part of the story untold with the girl along with some kind of stronger relation to the topic. This felt incomplete, as I didn't pull much away from it other than an eloquent ramble that didn't quite reach a climax or resolution. Overall, well structured and strong vocabulary imo. Patrown- I am a sucker for stories, as I am equally guilty of sticking to that myself. However, in this case your effort was not as polished as the usual I know you for in terms of flow execution. I liked the complexity you brought to the character, but the story fell into an abstract finish which kinda killed what it seems you were trying to do with he topic. That said, good attempt, but was nowhere near the level you are capable of. This is the third rewrite I've had to write. Fuck. Due to better execution despite the fact that both didn't quite deliver on their stories, MVGT Adonis for better buildup and structure. __________________ Ahem.