breathless: this was okay. prodded/plot's dead really bothered me. that's a clown move, bro (baseball joke, don't be offended). it was the straight take given the week these verses were due. the story was basic, the scheme was mostly basic, everything was.. average. you're in a stage where a lot of people either get stuck or elevate. hopefully being involved in this league gives you some weapons to advance. to be currently relevant, either through technique (VV) or storytelling (Frank) or dialog (Certain, Cake).. pay attention and you'll make that transition. as it stands, you're alright by me and so was this. just know you can't succeed by being alright. hope this helps without coming off as mean spirited.
zen: i think your swag and flow battle was in another forum? honestly, i like taking the topic and pointing it back in on yourself. at first i was really put off by the nature of it, but then thought about how many verses are written in the hypothetical first person as the writer presents on behalf of their character. this week, that character just happens to be you. if you'd taken the time and care to expand upon this, i think it would have been both an innovative and easy win. you made it plain to all of us in the chat thread that this was your swan song for the season, however, so i know what held you back was sheer lack of motivation. that doesn't win battles. you could have won this, you should have won this, and the only reason you didn't is because you got lazy with your writing. the subject matter was great, the story was good, but a key is bullshit, zen. i am disappointed. for reals.
v/ breathless
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