[dead man]

patrown's verse seemed like a discourse on psychosis. this girl seems lost in thought over her own self situated relative to the world. she's drinking to escape the divide. then you opened it up into something a little wider, a perspective on humanity, sin, and service. a lot seemed introduced but nothing felt concluded or explored. loose end syndrome to a moderate extent. who is this woman and why are you using her as an example of what's clearly a larger set of values you're trying to communicate?

i liked your writing. you keep a solid pace and know how to use your space effectively. i just needed more clarity here.

adonis, i still am trying to polarize pride and originality in a way that makes sense in my head. is it shameful to be original? why must these ideals be juggled.. i saw lots of polar constructs that signified your mainframe identity crisis idea but like patrons, nothing felt accomplished. i found it difficult to take anything of lasting value from your verse because beyond the solid writing and picturesque description it was tough to break the mold for me here. i think some of the metaphorical content may have gone over my head. who is this female naked enemy? the difficulty of accurately evoking emotional reaction to writing is a concept i picked up on but i couldn't focus on a single stream. i think both of you struggled this week with clarity in regards to the topic itself and hopefully you both make it to playoffs and have a chance at contributions that live up to the obviously dope ass potential you both possess in written form. oh and your brother's beat tape was ill man. props

gotta give it to patrown this week.

thanks guys.




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