Nigma - It's evident right away that this needed to be longer for you to fully flesh out your chosen concept. It was pretty vague, as in you could madden a philosopher by getting him to try and figure out the brunt of this verse, lol. I don't understand how "the chrome plate of our species" applies here, even if it is a phrase with neat wording. Patting ourself on the back with our shiny armor? Not cutting it.
Mordycai - Your take was a little preachy with its message. Your head is in the right place, I'd just like to see you attack it from a better and more original angle. Let's say you write a verse about elephants. Are you going to write it as a general narrator or step inside of a character, like a bird's eye view or maybe from the perspective of nature itself? Think about different methods of saying the same things and you will see how many unique offspring you produce as a result of it.
My vote goes to Mordycai. Even though both submissions left a lot to be desired, Mordycai at least came full circle with his.
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