[Ryan 12]

Originally Posted by Answer

Mordycai - your flow isn't horrible, but you could do a little more to improve your rhyme schemes. They aren't bad, but there's not as much order to them as there could be. Especially when you mismatch multis a lot. But the main thing I'd like to see you work on is the amount of tools you're using in your writing. The only real quotable in the piece is "I once told myself to travel down the higher roads because even progression doesn't end in miles". There wasn't a whole lot of imagery, and virtually no wordplay. All of these things can aid you, even in topical battles. At the end of the day, I just felt like you were writing just to write, but nothing you said really hooked me into the piece, emotionally or lyrically.

Overall - 3/5 Smiley Faces




Ryan - This was more short & sweet. The flow was impeccable, and it was definitely written the way an author would write, which is a good thing. I wouldn't say there's anything particularly quotable, so incorporating tidbits of wordplay, or just witty lines in general might improve it a little, but the imagery in the piece is evident. The only thing I'm not crazy about is how you chose to end it. It feels like it's unfinished. But it also does kind of work for the Topic at hand, so it's not a huge detriment


Overall, Ryan gets 4 out of 5 Smiley Faces





MVGT - Ryan, cuz he has more smiley faces

thanks for the vote, fagg0t





3-0


up