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Old 11-29-2013, 10:40 AM   #4
timeless
past tense
 
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Breathless - I loved the story, could've went on with this verses for days and Id be siked the whole time. Couple things messed my read up though.. a couple of your stanzas ended on an abrupt note and threw me off a little bit. Wordplay was dope though all around, nothing too serious imagery wise.
Quote:
Quick, the shock stings loud. Boomsticks, the shots ring out.
So soon, bricks, and plots stringed round... We can not sing now.
like that bar a lot.

Buddha - Im digging this as a key, but as a verse for a league? not so much. didn't really connect to the topic on hand at all. Couple nice lines here and there, nothing worth quoting I'd say. Flow was on point. This just wasn't enough effort to top Breathless.

vote - breathless
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