[dead man]

ok so

i usually don't read votes before posting comments on any battle, but in this case i had skimmed the thread a couple times prior so i had an idea of what the general reception was, along with my own take, on both these verses..

geno - i felt like you kept at a distance this week. it was a big mistake on your part to express how much you disliked the topic directly after your drop. it's like a justification for any shortcomings, it's a defense mechanism. like our equivalent of putting "....10 minute key" or "quick shit" after a battle verse. almost at once, it gives your verse a different feel. like ok you were uninspired, so you just sort of took the pic at face value and went with it. granted that's not a point of critique in itself but rather the motivations you revealed behind it. all that being said. this was some great material in terms of exercising description and image abstraction. you twisted literal objects and actions into your own eye sockets and made us look through the lens. your "orgy" relative segments sounded something like what Wise Ways might drop in a cypher. lmao in a strange way though that itself is a compliment cause he's a fuckin weirdo. you did keep it rather surface deep imo. i mean, i enjoyed the allusions that made it really clear what you was talking about, and you had some solid standouts that had me second glancing. i did not understand what squids you were referring to until i checked the pic again, that was a cool image as well imo. you kept it light-hearted, crispy, and comfortable. you gave yourself room to breathe and it was almost like a shadowbox with the pic, just attacking it from whatever point you felt was showing itself. i think frank had a valid point though. description (in most cases) can only take you so far before a piece of writing this long becomes a bit of a fading fuse after a point. your social commentary was a solid branch, but it wasn't enough to make anything pop into a blaze. i never truly felt the HOSTAGE mentality when i was reading this. in other parts, this felt like another theological rant. but you gave it a signature method and let it walk.


Binocular, zoom, look at the reproductive organs you pervs

this started out so sharp and turned into something really unimpressive quickly. if you're trying to convey anything.. choose your words carefully

overall. a very solid entry but certainly not your realized potential.. we know this


PentfiG -

the moment you die. thats an ambitious title in itself if you ask me. you set yourself a stage and it was almost like waiting for something to move. and when it does, it's slow and deliberate, warming up into a steady roar. your verses tend to have this effect much of the time, although i've seen you jump right into the action split second from line 1 as well. i have always taken issue with your word choices as well but thats the pedantic nature of this kind of writing. in this case, however, what i really took issue with the your ending. but i'll get into that. you led us into a biological model for death. your language was accessible even though you were saying a good amount with almost every line. from the chemical phase we're hit with the 'light / tunnel' SLASH 'life before your eyes' phase. so far, your allusions pertaining to this transition are completely neutral theologically. the intro was a bit challenging for me in terms of your first 2 lines. 'focal design' could have just been a rhyme but when i think design (as a verb), i don't think science. anyway you grant us a Scrooge-like journey back in time. image laden, moderately sharp. particularly enjoyed 'blacktop chalk' and the bit about the places you've visited. relatable. i'd like to think i would probably see the same sort of thing. regardless, you flip everything on it's head in the last few lines - making a bold statement about death in the eye of theology, as something completely bastardized from it's biological roots. "ballooning the church". i feel like that's the second sub-title of this piece. idk man, i felt the message, it was just a bit abrupt and did not really round out the verse in a way that felt fully concluded. because there was no over-arching aspect to this that i could really connect with except that moment on it's own. i would like to give this a couple more reads but i do not have the time. i think my decision already stands.

i hate to break the tie because it feels too heavy but i gotta throw my vote to POHFIG. simply for producing the more thoughtful piece of writing this week

it was an honor gentlemen. til next week -


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