[Vulgar]

Breathless - The first stanza's rhyme scheme was a little overextended in the beginning, I thought. The rhyming is good, but the rhyming was also somewhat starched, too "in your face" saying something to the effect of "this piece is going to rhyme obnoxious amounts of lines and the content will suffer slightly because of it because I said so." The verse was interesting because I was being offered a different slice of an unknown pie for the duration of the read, section by section. Placing trust in wise men can backfire - seemed to be the predominant message. Although you used language effectively, as a whole I think it was tough to produce a definitive artistic "statement" from it if there was one to be said. It was incoherent to a mild degree due to its vagueness.

"With venerable patience
the young sit and listen with open eyes.
Yet they close their minds to what's sung
with no notions of truth.
From general translation they misunderstand
the statements their elders describe.
Feeling mostly awe in the language,
and wonder as it plays what they've always felt deep inside."

This was my favorite section, sick.

Certain - Refreshing storytelling, but question... why didn't Benton just bring a flashlight with him through the woods? Blind in the darkness, he was susceptible to getting cut, or lost. He was a likeable character; we don't want him to get eaten by the forbidden people, but at the same time he can avoid demise by making more logical choices. Not going to get too far into that lol, it's just my observation about a tiny kink in the story. Similar to the movie The Village, only the people were well receiving, hospitable, yet two faced at the same time. The ending was unfulfilling. Why didn't his dad rush to his aid? Why couldn't he just be safe in his bed, warm and toasty, and down the line something happens to him that makes him reconsider breaking land barriers again, or levels of forest enchantment? I would've made the choice to let him live. This is good reader involvement, by the way, driving me to swirl your story around in my head and ponder alternative endings. Nice work on a technical level. The conclusion didn't come full circle for me and I wasn't satisfied.

Vote - breathless

An interesting battle to say the least. BOTW so far. I'm going to vote for breathless because it was rife with ideas I've never experienced before, executed at a 75% success rate. Certain had tighter execution and a refreshing dose of storytelling as well, but his ending left more to be desired than breathless' vague undertaking.