[PancakeBrah]

Vulgar -

This was excellent. This was a difficult topic to write for but you found a unique approach and executed well. The writing was clever. It was alternately condescending ("whatever" line/"air of superiority"/"wished it drown") and poetic. The technique was there throughout and it was a bit of style changed from what we're used to seeing from you. Impressive verse.

Vividlyvague -

A lot of give and take here. I thought you had lines here and there that were great but this piece had too much for me. My biggest complaint is that you purposefully kept the 'characters' vague until the end which was disorienting through the first read through. I understand the 'reveal' of the characters was an important part of your writing process but for me it didn't work. Your use of language was strong throughout the piece but the length worked against you as opposed to helping you. I think being a bit more concise, clear, and to the point while keeping the emotional impact you were trying to achieve in certain lines would have been the way to go here. You're clearly a strong writer but I felt this piece could have used some editing.

This was an entertaining read but Vulgar's more direct approach and command of technique won this one for him.

v/Vulgar