[Mike Wrecka]

cool battle here.

zygote - completely abandoned any notion of complex rhyme scheme and structure. the flow was basic. but the tone and use of literary devices , like dialogue, was not. this was a very enjoyable verse for me. the storytelling was top notch. writing a verse like this is harder than people think. it is a very developed story that follows a tightly woven story arc. character introduction, conflict, resolution. it had a moral to the story which a lot of text verses do not. created something very interesting with this picture. it had a mature feel to it but still felt like, with some heavy editing, it could be something you read in a childrens magazine publication. good use of dialogue, seems like you were inspired by Certains Corner. it appears that you are to the point that you feel like you have nothing left to prove to anyone but yourself. so you challenge yourself as a writer each week. good verse. thanks for the read. probably my fave of the week.


Mordycai - in the video mag, not sure if you read it or not but im assuming you did, I said that you don't have as much flow as some of the regulars here. well I was wrong. perhaps you took that to heart because this piece flowed very well. but a lot of the rhymes were just one syllable and if this piece had more multis it would have read a lot more complex. good use of inners though to buffer the verse. the story , I enjoyed more than most here. I thought it was a creative take on the picture.

It seemed she found it hard and she struggled for the right words to say
"It hurts this way Cai, and my words my provide a little earnest mistake
The girl and the octopus are in love, troubled by the struggle of survival
They try to adapt their differences into one subtle rule to abide to
Although they look happy, they can never advance in life's evolution
Who knows? Maybe the fish will spear a human and dance in light of a solution...


this was the best part of your verse. it was where the girl was describing the picture. really getting into what we were looking at. you needed to expand on that part. and take away some of the mundane parts of being in at an art show. had you done this , this would be a lot closer but as is I have zyg

good battle guys thanks for the reads


vote - zygote