[Split]

let our memories flood
til those REDRUM scrawls are letters of love, measured in blood
crystal glaciers melt like teardrops in effeminate thugs
the hanging gardens burned. Nebuchadnezzar was hung
^^dope^^
solid rhymes at every twist so far, btw.


from the poppy trees we sing about with Western repose
you screamed, then hung the phone up. so i left you alone
wrong time, wrong decision. set in my ways
>nice flip.



Midol by the bucketful. you're menstrual for days
medicine and yoga pants and visits to graves
not boredom. not remorse. not affection, per se
our love's a spectrum of gray. convalescent, depraved
people always ask me when we're getting engaged.
pressure to stay. pleasure and pain, you're wetter than rain
red velvet sheets. Marlboros as we walk to the train
>wow. killer imagery at the end.


I loved the harmonics of imagery thrown in there. Like, "pleasure and pain" mixed with "wetter than rain" at "red velvet sheets. Marlboros as we walk to the train" on at least four different levels...
... in terms of blood/ a bitter masochism, like walking out a smoke after a roll in the hay, smoking as a guilty vice, and then the synthesis of all those ideas at once.

much like in novels, sometimes a broken tree is just a broken tree, an image that piqued your interest... sometimes it denotes the tone, or it is a reflection of how the narrator is feeling, sometimes it is a symbol that isn't quite obvious. Your writing condenses many of these connections down to a minimal number of words... I feel like I could take twenty different highlighters and outline each connected concept or idea or emotion and how it segues into the next one


it's a very desirable quality to have, imo.


at the same time, you have bars or sections that are very localized. the black coffee/ snowy evening bit. these are refreshing, too.


this piece you did a great job of switching your pace and your focus a number of times while staying on track. having gotten acquainted with your canon to a small extent, i feel like i can appreciate each piece's composition.


Keep keyin.