Inno- I think, for the most part, this verse was strongly written. However, I clearly had some problems that really disrupted what I think this piece was made to convey. First off, it was a little too loosely worded to relate without overexaminiation and assumptions. This definitley involved a secret love affair that seems to have had resistence from one of the participants at first? I'm guessing reluctant woman turned lesbian, a la Brokeback Mountain. A lot of similarities. This, overall, was an interesting piece, but felt almost completely unrelated to the topic, aside from implied atmospheric devices, judging by the setting.
Good drop... just not great.
Mike- judging on the majority of the battes I read every week, this was pretty original. This was not exquisitely executed, but it was pretty clean and the consistency was awesome. Me only really being exposed to leagues in AOWL, I'd say this was the best you this season. It wasn'r magically entrancing, but you were clearly purpose-driven, as your output was all in one thought, and not redundant- though, this spin of the topic isn't exactly interesting. Good job considering.
I'm drinking so i'm on bit of a ramble right now. That said, I cut short my critiques because they would outlast my usual verses of 70 bars. I liked both for what they delivered on. I wanted to pick Inno for more flash and a deeper plot imo, but Mike pulled off a stronger piece with a stronger, clearer relation to the topic. MVGT Mike
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Ahem.
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