Certain-
You're an excellent writer. Your blue state line stood out the most to me and the last paragraph was dope. Fucked up childhood kid turned nerotic psycho of the buffalo bill ilk, maybe not but def a crazy dude. Interesting to think about how much early experiences affect you. The second paragraph was my main issue - while the writing was dope, it didn't really evoke any emotion which I guess is what you were going for to give the 3rd paragraph impact, but to be real it stopped the momentum you gathered in the first part. I felt you could have used part 2 to gather even more momentum to make 3 impactful, which would have been the emphatic case if your language was more lively in pt 2. Also didn't get the listerine part, what did u mean by that
Frank this is prob in my top 3 verses from u ever. Dope flow, multies off the chain and it was just a smooth ass read. The way you placed words here kept a certain tension alive throughout the entire piece so that when you added the twist at the end it was like LOL damn, that's fire. It was more of a departure from the more traditional view of tears that certain took and I enjoyed it a lot.
V/ frank
|