Vulgar
""he'd ascend a couple of staircases, handing out biodegradable drugs
No patience, no trust, confrontations were rough -
And when the chips were down, and morale had caved in enough
Godlessness was purveyor, instructor, town mayor & judge""
This part was dope. However, it is the only part I felt was necessary for quoting as a "highlight". The story you had in mind was cool, it definitely could've been played better though. Quite a few times I got lost in a what? or why? type of situation. Im not gonna nitpick here, just try and word it up a little better, it distracts from the read. No read = auto no flow.
Mr. J
""The moment is gone, the feeling is lost, every last emotion is absent
frozen in time like..that's it...the story ended, but never the attraction
it continues to be a part of me, you can hear the stress in my accent
the anger that remains passive..I continue pushing away til' it pulls me back in
I can no longer fight it, it's in my gene's to continue acting out this pattern
I can't change what happened but I always catch myself trying to imagine it
it's not about what mattered then, but now...and that's what the challenge is
correction of past motives that remain captured in the mind with how to handle it
through each reenactment it makes me feel weaker....mad & sick...
I had enough of trying to be the one that separated onto a different path to live
yet I'm here...explaining to you that there's more to me & what I have to give""
This read was good a fuck, from beginning to end. I came on here to vote on a couple pieces before I head to work for the night, I browsed through a couple battles, no pieces really stood out until I got to this. I read the first ten lines, copied them, opened up a reply to quote them before I even finished the piece. And yes, I did read Vulgars first. This shit was on point, verse of the week IMO.
VOTE - Mr. J