[Certain]

Innovator: You asked for honest feedback on your verses, so I'll provide it. I found this verse very difficult to get into from the onset. The writing, particularly in the first three lines, was hazy, and from that point on the more I tried to latch on to the content the more difficult I found it. I'm still not sure I've pinpointed the exact content, but my interpretation was a secret lesbian relationship in the woods, by the campfire. In that case, the campfire seems almost incidental, but this was a tough topic, so I'm willing to be leinent there.

Where I'm not is the general awkwardness. "Poetic" is a copout word given the breadth of poetry. I would use it more for a verse that is built on the sounds of words, with techniques such as heavy assonance or consonance. This was more unpolished than anything, showing bursts of interesting writing mired by other runs of sloppiness. The use of "inch" twice in four words was sloppy. Writing "decent" and "secrete" instead of "descent" and "secret" caused me to stumble, my first instinct to see if the written word had relevance only to then realize they were typos. The lack of punctuation at times had a similar effect (e.g. "Don't tell our secret you must keep it find your mind to carry it").

But the bigger issue was the unnatural diction. I really didn't like the opening line, and as I wrote this week in the magazine, your opening line is your most important. There were some moments in this verse and many more in others I've read from you that showed you do have the capacity to write cleaner and more interesting sentences, but this piece is too typical of your work. Phrases such as "a moment's inch" and "together I fabricate your tone" and "At the cusp right at the tip" come across as clumsy.

There are moments where the wording is quite nice, though. The couplet beginning "Fools in the fray" was my favorite. The more natural rhymes were the ones that stood out, even when they were one-syllable. Yes, your mechanics need work to reach an elite level, but you can dramatically improve by working on the clarity and the consistency even within your own rhyme style. Taking a page from Adonis in this regard would make sense, as you are similar writers but he delivers much more consistently what you show flashes of. Verses like this show what you're capable but even more how rarely you scratch that potential.

Mike Wrecka: Given that you were so geeked up about Wu-Tang Clan week, it probably was mean-spirited of me to give you an 8 Diagrams song title as your topic. I thought about "Protect Ya Neck" but thought "Campfire" was a really great topic, frankly. And I think you nailed it. Your writing in the first half of this verse was some of your crispest I've seen, balancing rhyming, deep vocabulary and alliteration with interesting content. You didn't reinvent the wheel in that regard, but you took a straightforward view of the topic and brought it to life. There were no real missteps here. It wasn't a great verse or anything to match your best efforts from the Writing Challenge League, but it was very good and more proof in my theory that you're not about to miss the playoffs in your own league.

Vote: Mike Wrecka