ok good battle. very very close in my eyes.
cdm- I enjoyed this verse immensely. fuk what anyone else thinks really. it was constructed actually rather well in my eyes. and the story it told was epic. yes it got semi basic in some areas but the story pulled me in. now here is where you made a major mistake. you used rawn as the focus of your story. instead of just using him or he you wrote rawn. I actually re read the verse and took out rawn and replaced it with he and it was a million times better. in topicals you don't attack your opponent. that's an unwritten rule in my eyes. a big no no. and you broke it. but damn that storyline was great and you actually took the advice from last week and made the format and structure more understandable. good showing.
G Money - that was a strong verse man. very good structure and rhyme scheme. good take on the topic. didn't dig that deep into it though. kinda glossed it over a bit. but ya your vocab and flow overcame that flaw. and you brought it all together in the end. I wanted a little more imagery with such a vivid picture but ya a very well disciplined verse.
overall- cdm brought the epic story but included rawn which brought a level and tone of immaturity imo. ruined the piece honestly. rawn brought a very disciplined well laid out verse with a good direction. he played it safe a little too much.
vote- rawn
cdm if you hadn't tried to use rawn as your focus and focus more on the picture a bit id have given you my vote.
good battle fellas
|