Coup - I felt, for what you said, that your verse could have shortened considerably. I enjoyed the repeated themes throughout the verse. You had strong points of imagery that correlated well with your picture, however I felt there were a few filler lines that could have been removed to give the entire verse a more concise feel to it. Aside from that, there were a few lines rhyme schemes a little more basic then others. For instance, the second line in your second stanza could have been worded better to compliment the rhyme schemes of the lines before and after it. All in all, a pretty good showing.
Malachi - First of all, LOL, we both went the same way with our verses this week, great minds think alike. If I were to guess, I'd say you didn't get as much time on this as you'd hoped for. Seems like you write it fairly quickly which unfortunately didn't give you time to change your mind about putting the last 3 lines in >.< It's quite unfortunate how much a brief section of attempted humor can effect the entire verse. I feel that without the last bit it would have been a much closer battle, although the amount you underwrote your opponent would probably still have this in his favor.
Gotta give it to Coup
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