innovator - i reeeeally liked how you were rhyming here.
A santum for us, wed swim until our arms went numb.
Your Skin glistened.
And we fornicated as sin wished it.
Two misfits persistent in each other reflection
Perceived love perfect under the waves positon
A current so insistent and a rip tide convincing , skin to swim, wished it to misfit and reflection in part with perfect, position to insistent. it's unorthadox i guess but i thought it read rather fluidly and was more than a bonus in the beginning. great stuff. also in that section was including the way the wind was blowing and the location of the sun vs. the clouds. just shows great attention to detail worked into the piece, that i appreciate.but how it ended? what? pancakes? HUH? .... i mean, this all sounded really good. what about the pancakes, man? she was slanging rotten pancakes? they gave you the bubble guts or what?
idk. the end was a little bit iffy in my humble opinion. but overall it worked pretty well because you started so strong.
ydk - i understand your characters malady. sounds like this character is a little bit upset with his current situation and wants more out of life then just family. that much you did relate, farther then that.. i can't really say much. but that's a strong statement to have me relate to. perhaps he should take up chess, or racquetball. there must be something more to life than "this." however, your idea was rather undeveloped. you just fell short of a /v this week. a tad bit more would've got you it.
/v innovator - i was left wondering in both circumstances so i can't really vote based on the stories themselves. inno's strong imagery took the win this week imo. good battle though, close call.
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