[CopyPat]

hey dude. thx for reading and feeding my shit before. OK u are a new member yeah?
I have some tips for u hopefully..

first of all i can pretty much guarantee u no-one read that whole intro shit at the beginning about where u rhymes start with the timing and the beat etc. yes its cool that ur making ur shit for audio but at the end of the day this is a text board. go ahead and post ur audio lyrics.. maybe attach the beat if u want but no need to walk everyone through exactly what time to say what word or whatever.. just pointless. if u complete an actual track u are much better to just post that.. use soundcloud, bunch of dudes on here have posted audio tracks, definitely do that if u can. 2nd of all idunno why u also bolded the emphasized words for the first few parts of this piece? trust me everyone can see ur flow.. believe it or not this is a pretty smart crowd of writers that post in here, and ur inner bar schemes etc will not be missed. when u bold half the words it actually makes reading the flow harder because it looks jumbled and full of extra bullshit. same thing with all the extra periods and hyphens, just didn't really see why u had to do that either.

when ur posting u are posting to get views and feed right? unfortunately that means making ur shit really accessible by making it an easy read with no extra crap and keeping the length somewhat reasonable. putting ur lifes story at the top and the beat right under doomed u, lol. just truth.

on to the verse. i did not read with the beat or anything. u clearly have been writing (have u been recording?) for a while.. u can handle urself lyrically. the hook was whatever.. "problems solve em" bar is literally THE most played bar ever.. c'mon u gotta know that!?!!??!

the first 2 stanzas were ok.. again the first one with the bolding just bugged me. but the flow and scheming were WAY better than the 2nd one.. the 2nd one was just weak rhyming my dude.. u are obviously capable of much better.

Third stanza was absolute fire. fuckin loved it

it'd be my pleasure to be in the presense of measures that equal sentences
everysingle time a rhyme has entered between it's predicate
and subject, but, then, again and again
I get the impression that just lettin' the edges slip is better
as long as ya bring it back clever, string the tracks 'til tethered
So whether ya sing or rap, ya gotta keep yer act together
stray away from the beaten path and greet the bad weather
face it, be the man you may've never had as a mentor
Do what you were sent here for, what you need incentives for?
i write text like my pencil's forged from metal, edged in precious ore
when it ain't even real lead in the center of it's core
I bet yer shakin' yer head, like yer next to a tennis court
'cause either you don't get it or it's too much metaphor
for your head to absorb when swarmed with speech forms
no one'll teach our teens to believe in
you've already been forewarned, as for me, i'd be leavin'

the shaking ur Head bar was hella original, and i like how u called out the reader with "too much metaphor".. fully knowing that most rap dudes won't get that bar..(Head is a tennis raquet company, haha!) that was dope. whole thing flowed sick too. nice schemes. great confidence, loved that final section. so yeah.. strip down ur text posts or just post ur actual recorded audio man.. feel me? stay active. give a look to my latest if u can. thanks!