View Single Post
Old 11-10-2013, 02:24 AM   #8
zygote
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 501
Battle Record: 33-12

Accomplishments
- OM HOF (2x)

Champed
- Art of Writing League (3x)

Rep Power: 737828
zygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant futurezygote has a brilliant future
Default

For Certain, firstly some surface level points, the rhyme schemes are great, using some big rhymes while keeping a natural phrase and no awkward wording (E.g., highlight - Ballet Des Moines - sashay with poise), this is all like the extra toppings that adds to enjoyment from a technical perspective but doesn't make or break it. Again, there is a display of great writing tricks backed up by the language - the cyclical beginning and ending and the specific words "SPIN" it is enjoyable to see the language and the writing tools supporting each other and subtly too.

For Adonis, did not enjoy it really as a whole. There are some positives such as the wording in parts, but considering you wrote a story, as a cohesive whole there was not much progression or much in terms of underlying themes. Yes it was described well with some good language but beyond that not much. I also felt like you missed a trick by not focusing on the voyeur aspect more, perhaps that could have been effective considering your penchant for writing about the taboo. Voting for Certain.
zygote is offline