[zygote]

For Zenland, it is great to see you continue in this way from your last week’s submission. I know you are supposed to judge these contests as self-contained entities, but it is hard to when considering the context of your previous attempt. It is easy to write paragraph format is just exactly the same as line format without the ‘enter key’, but when you actually attempt it, it is a different feeling. This week you have synthesized the format of writing with the themes. Some criticisms though, too many small words and small phrases giving a disjointed tone. I feel like full sentences with commas and conjunctions instead of the full stops and one word sentences would have been more effective. Also, it perhaps needed a stronger thread drawing through the whole submission, it is good to focus on details in the writing, but also having a clearer underlying ‘string’ tying these details together is good as well.

For MW, that is a really cool observation, to see the sunset in the background is ambiguous. A sunset can be such a big cliché thing but you show how it can also be interpreted as an explosion. It gives the image a lot of power, it is documenting the moment of destruction. Also the ending was 100% excellent, I enjoy the ending that is ambiguous without being a cliff-hanger. Ambiguity seemed to be a big theme in this writing from you. E.g., the ambiguity of the sunset vs bomb, the ambiguity of the ending, and the moral ambiguity of the main character (“spent my days as a prisoner of the working class,
now all I got to show for it is the love of my life,” – is he bitter or is he happy?). Some good things to chew on in this submission. Voting for MW.