[PancakeBrah]

VividlyVague-

Well, I'm impressed. You wording was excellent throughout. Your rhymes were subtle, but substantive enough to warrant a positive remark. The way you characterized was top notch and with that type of writing being one of my favorites, I thoroughly enjoyed this. My only problem is the excessive use of exclamation points/non-period punctuation marks. I know you used them purposefully for effect but if you had not used them I feel this would have read much more solemn and matter of fact, which is in line with the picture. As it stands now the use of them captures the enthusiasm/confusion of the characters you wrote in, which I feel was your intended effect, but it's an overall negative for me. Regardless, this is the best piece I've read by you and my opinion of writing rose leaps and bounds due to it. Well done.

This isn't Woodstock! This wood stock is attached to a carbine, It's our time!
In no way shape or form will you restrict me with a flower, peace and Keep Calm signs!

Dope.

Patrown-

This was dope, as well. I like your style of writing, if this verse is indicative of it as a whole. The wording throughout was crisp without many spots where I felt it was clunky. You have a knack for unique phrasing and your rhyming was off-kilter yet fluid, which I enjoyed. You took a very tangential and metaphoric approach to the topic, which was okay in my opinion. Your voice was strong and techniques sound.

bring home the bread and pick up after his fits,
cook dinner and douche often, squeeze together my tits,

Best bar of the verse. Rhythm was great, the use of the first comma in the second line was great. Well written, communicated much.

This was a dope battle. The first I've read this week but I'd have to figure it's one of the better battles of the week. I think both writers wrote at the same level of skill, albeit with different nuances and slightly different styles. The tie-breaker, for me, is that I think Vivid's more straightforward approach to the topic may have made a strong impression on me.

v/ Vivid. Tough to call, both writers should be happy with their verses.