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Old 11-09-2013, 02:42 PM   #4
Vulgar
Razor-thin derision
 
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25

Accomplishments
- OM HOF

Champed
- Fight Night LIV
- Gimmick Battle League (2x)
- Write Week II
- Art of Writing League
- Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament
- STI
- Haiku Writer Challenge
- GWL Picture Challenge(2x)

Rep Power: 49604320
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Vividlyvague - Of all the writers in this league, yours emanates the most power. The problem is your wording really needs work much of the time. Don't rush it, choose your rhyming words wisely, etc. I thought the premise of the verse was energetic and relevant. The opening and closing bar segment I wasn't feeling. A better alternative that was less vague/smoother sounding would've benefited this as a whole. Topically, you are a strong writer and continue to show it week after week.

patrown - Creative take on the topic in relation to the picture. Not as succinct as I would've liked in terms of "wrapping it all up" in presentation to the reader. The narrative aspect bordered on rambling slightly. The concept was to me about the feminization of men in society, done in a humorous way. The part where the wife yells at the dad is the best part of the verse, IMO. Hahah..

Vote - Vividlyvague

This was actually a close battle. Vividly's ending was ehh to me while patrown executed his better, but at the same time, Vividly had a more intriguing take on the topic and he did a thorough job of explaining the world behind his story. Good shit, gentlemen.
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