Netcees - View Single Post - Week 7 - Contender Match - Certain (5-1) vs. Adonis (3-2) - CERTAIN WINS 7-0

Mike Wrecka · 11-09-2013, 02:12 PM

wooooo good battle dudes

certain - really liked this piece. im pretty sure Adonis wrote about a woman getting an abortion at one point this season but this was better. I liked the progression of the story you took. introduce us to the main character, then introduce a protagonist. they fall for each other and then you introduced a conflict. you provided a solution to that conflict and brought things full circle. it told the story that some things just never change. Jennifer could have had a happy life after getting pregnant, white picket fence and all but she fell for the wrong guy. a married man. which is just part of the cycle of bad decisions she has made to get her where she is right now. the wording and mechanics were very well done as was the rhyming. good end word choices. I was only semi disappointed that you and your opponent both ignored the rainbow colors of the smoke coming from the cigarette. but I did like that you created an entire verse based on that cigarette and the word that you found that rhymes with it pirouettes.

Adonis - you painted a pretty picture here. very nice vocab used. it was very beautifully written. the multis stood out to me as dope. the story of a guy in a strip club transcending time during a lap dance and really falling for the stripper and feeling sorrow for her at the same time. feeling like, you are better than this you deserve better. also feeling like in his probable drunkenness that he knows her. she is up on him, and he could sense her essence and he feels a connection and he wishes that he could take her home. not to do sexual things to, but to start a relationship with, to nurture , to love. dope concept. I liked it

overall- insanely tough to vote on. I really liked both. I would love to say tie but that is gay. I think for me the one fraction of a difference is the way Certain ended his. it brought closure and showed a cycle which I enjoyed. Adonis your ending fit the verse perfectly. you couldn't have ended it better. but certains story lent itself to a better ending than yours. and that tips the scales ever so slightly in my eyes. very dope battle guys. thanks for the reads.

vote - certain

11-09-2013, 02:12 PM	#6
Mike Wrecka WOW Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,591 Battle Record: 29-25 Champed - Writing Challenge League I Rep Power: 82779338	wooooo good battle dudes certain - really liked this piece. im pretty sure Adonis wrote about a woman getting an abortion at one point this season but this was better. I liked the progression of the story you took. introduce us to the main character, then introduce a protagonist. they fall for each other and then you introduced a conflict. you provided a solution to that conflict and brought things full circle. it told the story that some things just never change. Jennifer could have had a happy life after getting pregnant, white picket fence and all but she fell for the wrong guy. a married man. which is just part of the cycle of bad decisions she has made to get her where she is right now. the wording and mechanics were very well done as was the rhyming. good end word choices. I was only semi disappointed that you and your opponent both ignored the rainbow colors of the smoke coming from the cigarette. but I did like that you created an entire verse based on that cigarette and the word that you found that rhymes with it pirouettes. Adonis - you painted a pretty picture here. very nice vocab used. it was very beautifully written. the multis stood out to me as dope. the story of a guy in a strip club transcending time during a lap dance and really falling for the stripper and feeling sorrow for her at the same time. feeling like, you are better than this you deserve better. also feeling like in his probable drunkenness that he knows her. she is up on him, and he could sense her essence and he feels a connection and he wishes that he could take her home. not to do sexual things to, but to start a relationship with, to nurture , to love. dope concept. I liked it overall- insanely tough to vote on. I really liked both. I would love to say tie but that is gay. I think for me the one fraction of a difference is the way Certain ended his. it brought closure and showed a cycle which I enjoyed. Adonis your ending fit the verse perfectly. you couldn't have ended it better. but certains story lent itself to a better ending than yours. and that tips the scales ever so slightly in my eyes. very dope battle guys. thanks for the reads. vote - certain __________________ A.bove T.he R.est