Vote - Adonis
Zen, I would've really liked this if it was just an open Mic piece, but since it was the topical avenue, I could only like it, had to drop the really part, 'cause really, this wasn't bad. You had me killin this flow all the way up to seasoning and then it sorta petered out, but definitely did not go to being bad. Although the "ah-x-ee" rhymes are so overdone you brought some unique qualities to it, switching from the ahs to the oys etc. And then after using the oh and ok sounds to rhyme with the le word endings was a nice touch that a lot of people aren't comfortable with. But, with that said, it lacked real substance, more a display of how well you can spit which is a pleasing juxtaposition to always reading stories here
Adonis... Real nice storyline, not the typical good kid gone bad, bad kid gone good story... I almost felt like this coulda been my life story, aside from the dying part, my name's Dan, born in 85, brought up in a good home, honor roll, went crazy with drugs, dropped out, got my shit together, and then that pic of me in the blue and red, crazy relation... Some baaner meinhoff shit...
This is the most well written piece I've read from you yet, no complaints on weird cadence or off rhymes at all, killin it throughout, just poetic enough to not come off hokey, and just lyrical enough to not come offlike an OM piece, and you told a while concise story in a fairly small amount of lines...
Fave lines
He changed his ways, living to please a mother he loved,
Not biological, but still cared for him much,
Daniel went from failing to honor roll,
Arrests and protests to such a grander mold,
Years pass and this collegiate affiliate..
Still sported Red and had a lean when he walked with a cigarette...
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