zenland - pretty sick. caught on to it's rhythm pretty fast. don't have any complaints, really, for what it is. favorite lines, Half the features of Cain in a black hat; the leader of the rap revival. Already grasped the title with my last recital. The last, the final, to sap the bible's holy. Here's the forbidden fruit back in your iTunes. Fuck the vinyls homie. i don't agree to ' fuck vinyl,' but i do think it sounded great on the end of that set. although this was a good verse, i'm fairly sure it wasn't written with your topic in mind.. but i still would rather have read it than not.
adonis- although i do feel the end was rather abrupt, you told the characters entiire story flawlessly. wasn't thrown off by anything. enjoyed the story and the rhymes.
He's bouncing house to house...System owned,
Thick skin grown as a family he's never known,
good play on the phrase.. awkward wording that i was ok with. the second line may have been reworked, near the middle.. but that's my only criticism.
Daniel went from failing to honor roll,
Arrests and protests to such a grander mold,
you got my hopes up for a while. not that this happening would not be tragic, but the fact he got his shit together after finding a family who cared for him just made it even more tragic. the first stanza started off real poetic, set a good tone. there weren't too many multiples throughout, and i was ok with that. in fact, i commend you for keeping it simple and relying on the story itself to gain you the /v.
/v adonis - i definitely enjoyed adonis's read more. besides that, he incorporated the topic into his story effectively. easy decision, imo.
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