lmfao
fair enough i guess...& seeing as its you...lemme read this
damn, first off not usually my type of thing, not cause i cant appriate it, more that these pieces tend to just be filled the fuck out with cliche after cliche at some reach in attempt to seem poetic...& worse yet it flys by most muhfukaz...wdeva...that said, i didnt mind reading this, couple lines i geniunely liked, aswell as a couple empty lines.
the entire opening was actually pretty nice, that "distraction plague - authors thoughts - he's lost in moments" i liked that, shit was articulated well...like i said, whole opening was (admittedly, suprisingly) nice - up until this...
Quote:
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But as a rose grows from the pavement; it still shows that the root will rot
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^ is what i call one of them empty lines...i'd explain what i mean, but you really already know, & if you dont...you jont see my justification anyway so blah fuck it, lets just say i didnt like that line...& no i didnt miss how it relative to that 'weak base' line.
second section carried on tradition...i like the switch from him to her...
Quote:
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florescent light bulbs accent her essence
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that line stands out in a good & bad way for me, her 'essence' as you call it, could've maybe been portrayed? iunno, just how im taking it at the time, like, perhaps explain what being accentuated by the lighting, something a lil more particular than 'essence'? blah, wdeva, maybe, maybe not
last section, again more of the same - not a bad thing - like i said i liked it. pretty uneventful ending n sht - i didnt really mind that for a second. didnt like the way you tied shit up though a couple of them statements i dont really agree with & dont seem well thought out...but im aware shit aint always as it seems, so maybe they are well thought out just from a different train of though...im just saying personally, a couple of them lines toward the end dont sit well. Also call it pedantic if you want, but dont think the whole shrugging & sighing makes sense, not that the two conflict...just dont think ive ever been in a circumstance where someone has sighed & shrugged at the same time lmfao if that makes sense, wdeva wdeva
overall, like i said i fucked with it, was written clean & not overly done for most part - i can appreciate it from that aspect alone. wasnt trying to be something it wasnt - has a level of authenticity i also liked.
no hate holmes, butchu already know, take it howeva you want it
#1 be easy