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Old 10-31-2013, 10:44 PM   #5
patrown
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ydk - eloquently narrated. i enjoyed the transitions, actually. usually not my favorite technique but you pulled it off rather well here. favorite lines..

He tries in vain to hide disdain for his own emotionless pieces,
Unbeknownst to him,
his idols prospered in writing about love because they never achieved it.
and
But as a rose grows from the pavement; it still shows that the root will rot.

no complaints. great piece.

frank - i'm all for freedom of expression, most times. the fact you can write a story like that shows you're one of a kind. doing it well just shows your talent. however, i really did not enjoy this. and it was sad as fuck. you got a lot of emotion out of me but any shock value was overridden by disgust. however, you did showcase your talent. great rhymes. flowed very well.

/v ydk , i enjoyed his story much more.

Last edited by patrown; 11-01-2013 at 08:19 PM. Reason: voted.
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