Quote:
Originally Posted by Figurative
Inconceivable attempts to abstain from Sun, but taste its gleam.
Taking razors edge to an ending and take amends
lining up its potent contents, and then savoring them.
Baby, infested time in you... The dividend, please?
Cuz in that eye glare, all i saw's an image of me.
Now Twain claimed of not a chuckle in serenitys plane,
Divinity's bane; not playing pain. Polaritys game.
But equilibrium is slain in my memories daze,
And tones bone wicks the flicker of infinity's flame.
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okay, the flow was nice (especially the syllable rhyming), as was the scheming. but the wording/delivery and word choice felt unnatural
what i quoted ^^ was very very confusing to me, and the bolded parts were incomprehensible
the way you explained it in response to Lexicon made a lot of sense, so it's almost like you have a reverse allegory here. like instead of having meaning shine through a story, you have a story shining through condensed meaning. i can already see some of your influences.
just my thoughts, you have good vocab and a good sense of rhyming. keep writing