/v YDK - cliche. good use of topic. apparently, the character was driving a stolen car. could have thrown that in to make the story work. or saying the character was hiding out, etc. should have hung himself. good rhymes. "like a people like me!" character is also Italiano? ending two lines with "like me" failed. careful with your language when giving quotes. cuz preachers say cuz all the time. i like how you ended it, although it was kind of cheesy and i thought it was cool the bastard was hanging himself. terrible situation. if i was the Dad..... heh. yeah. forgiving guy. good story. made me feel a whole bunch of different things. good work.
Zenland - didn't really allow me to relate to the character. not enough. spewed from within, popped, could see it swell. A PIMPLE? hahahaha. i hope she left her vomit purse at home. but i think this was pretty good, for being about a pimple. i think? you really didn't give us too much to work with here buddy. a little bit vague, ambiguous, but not quite enough for me to chew on. so far, Marley needs a Xanax perscription, puked in her purse, and popped a zit. i really do like how you write, and this playful little tale was entertaining. your verse just didn't have depth like ydks. but you did do more with less. he just had a lot more.
close call imho.
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