[Adonis]

YD - Wasn't a fan of "For em/Soarin" "Crying as he was speaking about his daughter dying; preaching." Talking and preaching might not be the same exact thing, but it was a bit redundant to have them both in one line. I know it was for flows sake, but re-wording this line and only using preaching could have cleared that up quickly. So the concept or ending at least was I thought was dope. the story was cool, I enjoyed the time sudden time changes as they kept me peaked for not really knowing whats next. I also enjoyed some of your imagery...The girl crying, the cell and such. I think this was a bit rushed though from you brother..."Speak and not run to the father that I took a daughter from." "I could tell he what he wanted," The first I don't like because of "run to". The second was a typo, but that's why i feel this was rushed. That broke up the flow for me while reading so thought I'd point it out. All in all, there were simple errors, but I felt a lot of good shit was at work here. Solid imagery, decent flow although some was not..."Wanted/Confronted. bless you/catch you" Solid verse, not the greatest, but you were good where it counted..Story progressions and evoking emotion/imagery.


Bipolar - Never was a fan of the separation of a sentence into a a bar or two lines..."graceful pair of eyes which appears braced and prepared" Also no S on appear. Then talking of eyes being braced and prepared for whats going on is ok, just never seen it in this tense before. So, to be blunt, I don't understand the sincerity of the entire story. I mean the poor girl had a panic attack over leaving for prom, which I'm sure on some level is true. But that was the main focal point of the story in this case which to me seems, well, a bit unnatural. This girl should be happy too, mixed emotions, not vomiting and breathing as if her life is ending. IDK?


V/YDK

I think both verses lacked in flow due to wording and breaks in lines so that's null. I loved the progression in both verses, but YD's more so, also felt his had more meaning and emotion to it. So I got YDK winning by a sizable margin..