[Certain]

YDK: This was the best verse I've read from you. Your storytelling was very clear, and you avoided doing anything to overwrite. If anything, you underwrote. The emotions felt a bit undeveloped because of the straightforward storytelling, but I think there was enough room in this story that you could have waxed a little bit and let the desperation become a little more obvious. First, you would have had to cut some redundancies. They held back your verse, particularly in the first stanza but really throughout. I know, last week everyone said you were too vague, so this week you wanted to be clear. And you were, and I give you credit for heeding that advice. As for the story itself, it wasn't the greatest. It's tough to understand why the police couldn't identify your narrator in the first place. Wasn't the car registered? And the ending felt a little too sentimental and preachy. But I do think this storytelling style fits you.

Zenland: This reminds me a lot of a verse I wrote years ago. Actually, it reminds me of a combination of three verses I wrote years ago. Those probably are gone now. Anyway, I liked it for the most part. The rhyme scheme was good, and most of the phrasing was good. But it was shallow. Most of the imagery was based around her sickness, so the foreshadowing was rather light. I also thought naming the characters just for the sake of one rhyme each was a really bad decision. If you're going to rhyme off a name, it really shouldn't be the only use of that name or it seems like the name was included just for a cheap rhyme. Plus, this verse could have had the feel of being about every girl, but naming Marley cut into that appeal. I think your better bet would have been to go into greater detail about this story, particularly emphasizing the topic. Maybe she had red lipstick and a red dress. The topic just felt sort of thrown in at the last moment. So basically I like where your head was at, but I think the execution fell short.

Vote: YDK