[Mike Wrecka]

interesting battle. both came different than their usual styles.

ydk - now this is the first story ive ever read from ydk. in terms of a true story with a plot and dialogue and all that ive never seen him drop one even in the om. the story itself was really good. it brought out a lot of emotion in me. which is always a good sign. I felt bad for the girl and to a lesser degree the father. I felt like you could have dug a little deeper in explaining the dads agony. the last stanza worked because of the conversation with the priest. that was a good idea. it gave the main character a person to talk to instead of an inmate that wouldn't give 2 shits. the rhyming was simple though. too simple in some spots. I would have liked to see more multis. you used a few and it made it all much more smoother in those places. I liked the repeating red image another good concept. just a little too simple with the lack of inners and multis. you posted very early I bet if you had kept working on this verse you would have been able to go back in and add some of the things I was talking about and more the structure more complex.


zenland - this was not my cup of tea tbh. stylistically you tried something different than your norm. I didn't like it. sounded a little cat in the hat ish. the shortness and bluntness of the lines made the flow nursery rhymish. the concept itself probably sounded good in the beginning. and probably went like this, whats red. a firetruck, naaa fuck that. a rose. cool. how about a woman getting a rose. a girl waiting for her prom date. I could explain all the thoughts and anxietys that are involved in that very important memorable moment of her life. well really its a girl sitting in her room. which could be boring unless you really really dig deep on those anxietys and fears and really get inside her head. you kinda just scratched the surface. there was no emotion really.


overall- both wrote different from their norm. it worked out better for one and that was

vote -ydk