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Old 10-24-2013, 10:20 AM   #14
Answer
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really hate voting on topicals, but christ - this shit has been open for 4 months.

He needed the illest beings with hustling abilities spawned outta Hell,
so he went to the special ed's playground where stupid kids dwell.

kind of funny, but not particularly witty

He'll use them for war against the gay-hate debate, on his spare time; crazy sex and love,
if they refused he'd spit in his hand, smear it over their face & say; ''You're my fabulous dove.''

lol..

He started orgies with old men over forty. It was expensive so only the rich could afford to join it,
they'd walk out with a story, some thought it was sporty. I think it's sick, twisted and morbid.

I don't really like the idea of rhyming 'join it' with morbid - but it's alright. I'm not really sure where this is going, but it's focusing on pedophelia a lot

But all this fucking and rape turned these orphans into monsters of violence and hate,
when they reached a certain state of no escape his crew was complete and designed to be great.

It all seems kind of abstract to me. Flow and multis are all unpoint, but there's not a lot of lines that I can really deem worthy of 'quote' status

Refined to seem lame it revolves around shame with the darkest of evil obtained,
they're trained hard not to change, the kids seem nice but they're severely deranged.

Alright...

Cuz this psychotic savage of a pedophile faggot turned them into Satans sex-slaves,
So deep in the abyss of hellish gay-aura 666 appears on their pets graves.

Closest thing to a quoteable so far - I dont get how being gay has anything to do with 666...I get the whole Satan/666 thing, but you're putting a lot of emphasis on how gay they are

It's the revenge for Planet of the Gays as they've been supressed and dissed by media,
so now it's time to hit back with the darkest and most satanic form for pedophilia.

Okay

The energies of hatred combined turn straight people into rainbows of blood,
their enemies cry to death as immortal kids stab them with petrified flower buds.

this is alright....a lot less fillerish than your other bars, but being stabbed with a flower bud really doesnt sound painful

He designed crew-shirts with the same colors their souls are crafted in,
if you don't think it's is evil; search within, cuz this dude's Lucifers evil twin.

okay

As the kids of Hell drain Heaven for souls in the gif, the pink-demon is on some king shit;
he disrupts Satans goal to start hell on earth just to tell you anti-faggots to ''bring it!''

okay




Overall, my biggest issue with the piece is that it just seemed like this perpetual feeling of "Alright...this is gonna go somewhere...just wait" but it took way too long to actually go anywhere. Some parts were funny, the flow was alright and the rhymeschemes weren't bad, but ultimately it wasn't the most impressive display of writing ability





Disguises his is true iris from which he views the world
And they believe hes a mentor, a teacher, nothing more

okay...

But he deceives everyone including the children he watches
Shows them the sport while he makes sport from his options

decent...at least you incorporated some semblance of wordplay

He can pick and choose from fresh stock of talent at hand
Some new some old from leagues before but they new the game plan

I've noticed that your rhymes are rather simple but I'm waiting for this to escalate

He was close with them all, he greeted them like his own
While we laughed at his set up, we thought he had to be stoned

Kind of funny, but still basic

In a stupid get up he runs the field like a loser in a costume
But the show works and the crowd deems it safe to assume

I don't really care for transitioning into the next line at the end of your second bar, but alright

That nothing’s going on and this man couldn’t be a faggot?
Surely hes not the type to invest in the stocks of children’s assets?

this is alright...nothing mindblowingly dope, but at least it's attempting creativity

But it turns out I was wrong in askin, see I wasn’t looking write
Cuz the truth is, while I protected my son he was fucking my wife

This is kind of funny, and I'm glad you had a twist to it

Nigga In a spandex suit with a fanny pack licking her poop shoot
While im looking after my sons asshole this assholes sucking her asshole with a scoop?

Coach scores wins again…godam it.




Overall, Innovator had a decent ending and a couple lines that showed some kind of attempt at being creative. Objective's *concept* was somewhat creative, but the second he started writing it out, it's like he didn't even try to add anything interesting, or any kind of wordplay. Flow was about even, obviously objective had multis whereas innovator didn't - but as far as the overall piece that was written better - I felt like it was easy to choose

Vote - Innovator
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