this was a great read.
split is like a malfunctioning computer in it's last moments. hay wired rhyming that literally over loads the brain. simultaneously stimulatingly cramped, the details of his storys are like, a family of 8 chinese people sleeping in a little bed.
split is better off not trying to adapt, as zygote mentioned, talking about his opening couplet and his improved rhyme technique, rather split must continue to string his ideas in unorthodox fashion. 'sponge clean cement floors' captured the crazyness of this.
Saccharine bliss met rhetoric raw in midst of Nazareth fogs,
here's somebody i think you should read...
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...672/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre....html?t=298750
deadman/black
the thunder bellows. walls separate, enlightenment leaks
typewriter whiskey and water, lantern lighting, serene
there's paradise in poppy seeds, wisdom in wine.
^some quotables
this was complacently dope. when people talk about mechanics, i don't really know what the fuck they're talking about. mechanics? what the hell is that? this ain't Meinke. know what i'm saying? But dude you're a mechanic.
although I noticed some peculiarities of your usage of "." Periods rarely ever appear at the end of your lines but here you had 1 or 2 lines ending in "." These 2 lines seemed to have great affect. They were 2 of the simpler lines, and 2 of the more profound lines at the same time. I was just curious as to why you chose to incoporate "." at those particular moments?
i got a new verse up, excuse the title - check it when you get a chance, peace out