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Old 10-22-2013, 10:57 AM   #3
Zen
Arm the Homeless
 
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,102
Battle Record: 22-24


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 35079722
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I've been late on returning feed so here it is my friend.

The strong points:

fuck the world with a contraceptive, a condom blemished
another common menace sent from the Gods in Heaven
bring the bomb to tension, blow up your block like Tetris
til' these chickens come to roost, I'm another cock in attendance
causing ocular blessings, applaud the God's popular presence

This section here carried a flawless with it. It's kinda similar to my style of rhyming but a more tone downed and refined version and I like that. Carrying multi's and keeping the flow alive is not an easy thing to do and you took it a step further with creative usage that was very entertaining. The chickens line made me lol but in reality it was fresh as fuck. Never heard that connection being used before so it was nice to see.

The negatives:
There are no real standout mistakes in this just mostly it was a negative to me. For instance the section I just mentioned had a great flow to it, but in some parts the flow seemed to lack and drag on a bit. Idk. It could have been the wording that through it off in some cases, but now that I've went back and reread it I noticed the pinterest/distress bar and pinterest isn't a word is it? Well, maybe it is but it doesn't rhyme with distress unless you have a different accent from mine.

But with all that said, pretty strong piece. Good luck in the champ battle holmes.
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